244.
Paul Johnson, Peterson “BS” 2, T. Frank. S, R – 22, p, g, c.
Well, I don’t know what to do. After I had taken a pen and decided to write, the damn tinnitus came back again. The same was yesterday. Should I quit writing as I’ve already done with a self-talk exercise? Why does it occur? I read more than 20 pages today and everything was okay. I listened to J.B. Peterson’s lectures for more than two hours and everything was okay. However, as soon as I started writing—things are going wrong! I can’t accept that thinking in English makes my mind crazy. It is not possible! I have been writing so many pages for last half a year—why it’s begun only now? Why? Why? Why? I want to continue my learning, I want to improve my English, and I want to develop my skills. How can I learn to write without writing; speak without speaking; and think without thinking? Fuck!
The half of the night was spent without sleep. I’m losing control. Something has to be done! It was so powerful; I’ve got so much happiness observing as my language gets better, and better, and better. And now, this unexpected thing has happened. Why? What did I do wrong? Overtraining? I didn’t feel tiredness; I didn’t feel boredom—
I want to continue. Okay, I’ll find the way that will have solved all problems. I know that there certainly should be something that can help me handle this bloody situation. Maybe I should write in the beginning of each day and remove all active learning out of pre-night time? So I must remember: Everything is inevitably, there are no such things to worry so much about.
Next day: diffuse mode.
One day more: diffuse mode.
To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Ïðîäîëæåíèå: http://www.proza.ru/2019/02/08/1680